Umbrella Carnage

Why I Hate Umbrellas

Ok, so I don’t really hate umbrellas. I hate douchy people who turn an otherwise awesome nylon and metal tool into a weapon used to wage war against their fellow pedestrians all in the name of of staying just slightly dryer when there is “weather” coming down.

Why are you all afraid of the rain? and the SNOW? I promise you won’t melt. Didn’t you see Wicked? Besides, a small piece of cloth sewn loosely to a series of metal sticks is not going to do the trick anyway. As you cover your face and eyes to stay dry you aim your umbrella dagger into the wind you end up crashing into me and poking me in the eyeballs. Your umbrella always catches on the guy next to you, you inevitably lose the wind’s favor, and *thwack* that sucker is inside out, metal pieces fly through the air, leaving Umbrella Carnage all over the streets.

I dedicate this blog to all of those Umbrellas that get used, abused, and tossed in the trash can.

Come on people. Get a raincoat.

In the meantime, send your carnage submissions to: umbrella . carnage @ gmail . com !